One Friday Afternoon

Note: Before I set up this blogsite, I used to send out emails like this to friends whom I knew would indulge my nostalgia trips.

I wrote this a little over a year ago and when I read this again today, I got some sort of epiphany. People who know me well think of me as a funny person who sees the world in a wacky way. I am. But I sometimes get into these moods where I write down stuff that my friend Riza says makes her want to cry. I told her to stop reading me if that is the effect I have on her. But she told me that she kinda liked it because it reminded her of things like her childhood and stuff. I told her that it was the nostalgic in me wanting to burst out of this person who sees the world as a constant source of amusement.

April 18, 2008

Today I heard a song that I really loved as a young girl, when music played a big part of my life. As a teenager, the radio was always on whenever I was in my room, even as I was doing my homework or even while asleep. The only time the radio was off was when I went out of my room for extended periods of time, like when I was in school or out of the house. The song, entitled “I Will Still Love You” by Stonebolt, a Canadian rock group, gave me such a pang that I had to stop a while and write down what I felt.

What came to mind was that this song shaped my view of what love should be— constant, undying, able to weather any and all difficulties, obstacles, crisis, – and though “the mountains and trees tumble into the seas to rest there for eternity, no matter what you do, I will still love you.” As a young girl, I knew this was the kind of love that I would have.

Thirty odd years later, having weathered and left a marriage that, in hindsight, brought me more grief than happiness, and a string of what–I- can- only- describe- as-flings later, I realize that I still held the ideals of this song as the touchstone by which I based how I wanted to love and be loved.

In an increasingly rare moment of reflection, I asked myself if the pang I felt was because I was disappointed that I did not get what I had hoped for as a young girl, the answer that came to me surprised me greatly. The answer was, my life is not over yet. There is still hope that I will find this kind of love, if not in this life then in the next. Anything less, for me, is not worth having.

And so, I salute the people who wrote this song, not curse them. For those of you that remember this song, join me in reliving that time of innocence and hope. For those of you that don’t know this song, here’s a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YWMNqJN1Nc

I will understand if you think that I am seeking the impossible. But just remember, my life isn’t over yet. 

I WILL STILL LOVE YOU
Stonebolt

Love 'em and leave 'em
Give them the air
Hurt and deceive them
Say you don't care
Break their hearts and let them fall
Like rain on your back stairs
Then call me up tomorrow
You know I'll still be there

Ref:
When the moon disappears forever
And the sun shines electric blue
And the mountains and trees tumble into the sea
To rest there for eternity
No matter what you do
I will still love you

So if your bridges go up in flame
And if all your lovers
Strike you too tame
Some sad song of love you hear
Can make you call my name
I will be there in a minute
And you know I'll feel the same

(Repeat refrain)

Bridge:
So the weary traveller
Tired of passing through
Stops to get his bearings
And stays on to wait for you

(Repeat refrain)

I will still love you....